I am having such a freaking good day, that I could not help but get excited and tell you all about it!!! :-)
First of all, after over a year on hiatus, I have started writing my morning pages again! For those of you that may not know, morning pages are a tool that Julia Cameron developed, who by the way is the author of The Artist’s Way, a fabulous book that I highly recommend for anyone wanting to tap into their authentic inner self!! Anyway, back to morning pages, it is basically writing, free-hand your randomly flowing thoughts for 3 pages first thing every morning. It is a great way to tap into your inner self, and to really listen to what God is trying to tell you and what your soul is longing for or feeling. When I first started doing morning pages, it was about the beginning of 2011, and at the time, I swore I would never stop doing them because they just have therapeutic way of helping you clear your head and see the world from a clear vantage point! Well, long story short, life happens and I stopped doing writing in my mornings, among other things.
You may have also noticed that I have not been blogging very much lately. Well, I have a confession. Not only have I not been connecting with myself by writing my morning pages, I stopped doing my artist dates, my belly dancing class, all forms of exercising, and blogging! Blogging, and all of these other things are so intimate and personal, and I really was sick of spending time with myself. I have realized that I have really been suffering from not wanting to spend any quality time with myself, so I have been doing everything and anything to keep the external chatter so loud that I have not been able to hear myself think. Literally. and I have to tell you, when I realized that this is what I had been doing, I was not only surprised, but realized I needed to turn off all of the external stimuli and get in touch with me again!!! My inner child was definitely starting to throw a hissy fit wanting to just have some pj time at home, with no obligations or commitments. So…. after a weekend of sitting around in my pajamas all weekend, doing almost nothing except reading, spending quality time with my sweetie, watching movies, and crocheting like a fiend, I decided it was time to make time for me, and put my internal dialogue back into the forefront of my life again.
I am recommitting to my morning pages!
I am recommitting to blogging!
I am recommitting to taking long walks to absolutely nowhere!
I am recommitting to dancing like a crazy person for no other reason that it is just absolutely fun!!
I am recommitting to singing at the top of my lungs! My neighbors deserve to have a good laugh every once in a while too!!!
and I am recommitting to listen to myself. To my inner Chrissie, and whatever it is that she needs to have heard.
I am here.
I can be quiet.
I am listening.
I know my inner me has something that she is just struggling to get out into the universe, and I have decided it is time to start making the actions that will help her, instead of hold her back!! So, this morning, I woke up extra early! Walked my half-asleep self into my freezing cold art studio, and wrote, wrote, wrote!!! When I was done, I hadn’t felt so free in a really, REALLY long time!! Like I had lifted the weight of the world off of my shoulders.
This simple act of spending time with myself writing emboldened me to do more with my day, so I decided that as soon as I got off from work this afternoon, that I would head over to the local high school track and I would walk, walk, walk, but first I would jog a quarter of a mile. Ok, I realize that may not sound like a lot to some of you, but I am a 37 year old, former 330 pound woman, who hasn’t had serious exercise in about 6 months, this was a pretty good freaking start!!! One of my goals this year is to run a mile, and then a 5k, and eventually a 10k, but let’s not get ahead of myself!!! ;-)
Finally, when we did get home, I have a mountain of about 500 books that I am working on selling online, but in all honesty I had COMPLETELY overwhelmed myself with the daunting thought of
“WHERE IN THE HECK DO I EVEN BEGIN TO TACKLE THIS ONE???”
Well, I realized that if I can jog a quarter of a mile, on a whim, I certainly could post a few books online to sell, just to get the ball rolling. Well, I committed to posting 5 books, and ended up posting 12 – that really does take a lot more time than one might think that would take!!
Happy, Happy Girl!!! ;-)
Anyway, I feel so at ease, like there is hope for tonight, hope for tomorrow. I really can do what I put my mind to if I am willing to step up to the mirror and just face it.
No more hiding.
No more wishing someone else would make it all happen for me.
Today is the day.
Now is the time.
and that realization is energizing!!!
Here is to a FABULOUS evening, not being afraid to get quiet and listen!! ;-)
If you want to have a different life, you have to live differently!!